I can't do this all on my own...

[pozorvlak]

Like most people in this media-saturated age, I occasionally muse on what my life would be like as a TV show. Every time someone says "That'll definitely work, no problem", I steel myself for the ironic flash-forward, in which it hasn't worked with hilarious (for the audience, but not for me) consequences.

A while ago, though, after overdosing first on Scrubs and then on House, I had an odd thought. You should first know that wormwood_pearl comes from a large (Catholic) family, and two of her siblings are doctors - the DVDs came from her sister's extensive collection of medical dramas. Maybe, instead of being the lead character in Pozorvlak!, I'm actually a recurring minor character in MacPearl, MD, a hard-hitting drama about an intensive care unit in Paisley? Would I even get named in the credits, or would I merely be "Youngest sister's juggling boyfriend"?

Then I thought "Hey, that's not so bad. Maybe I could be a well-liked minor character, who only gets a few lines, but they're all really good ones. I could be a fan favourite - one of those minor characters who only turns up every few episodes but who has a devoted following on the Inter..."

Crap. Then steerpikelet and sebastienne and their ilk would write slashfic about me. The horror...

Comments

[mrkgnao.livejournal.com]

Wargh, that's really shocking! So I'm not in fact the star of Mrkgnao! - a quirky sitcom all about me. I am in fact the doomed love interest of Post Modern Irony Boy, a media studies student's lousy experimental movie about a tortured roleplayer in a hat.

WARGH!

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's better than being "Internet friend of youngest sister's juggling boyfriend"..

[whodo-voodoo.livejournal.com]

Or "Flatmate of youngest sister's juggling boyfriend" for that matter. That's the sort of character that would be needed to appear once or twice per season, for a couple of seconds tops and probably played by somebody different each time.

[mrkgnao.livejournal.com]

ALSO! I would love somebody to write slash (or inded het, I'm not fussy) fiction about me... as would you. Admit it!

It's like the only thing I took away from the performance of The Balcony I saw was how fabulous it would be to have someone want to pretend to be you in a high-class brothel...

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

I deny it. I deny everything. I demand that I may or may not be pozorvlak.

[neoanjou.livejournal.com]

Sadly 'Neil Tarrant - Physicist at Large' has had falling ratings over the past year since now most episodes consist of him sitting in his office at a desk using a computer, or else sitting on his bed at home, using a computer; still the newly introduced support characters are starting to go down well with the audience, and a lot of old favourite have been making regular guest appearances.

Actually I was thinking about this recently within the context of pondering whether I wasn't getting along with someone because I refuse to act like a minor character in her story, demanding that my own tale be told.

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Pozorvlak! has had a lot of "sitting with a computer" storylines of late, too.

[johnckirk.livejournal.com]

There's a similar theme in the novel "Sir Apropos of Nothing", where someone comes to the depressing realisation that he's actually just the comedy sidekick rather than the hero. He then decides that he doesn't like this idea, so he knocks out the hero, steals his flying horse, and goes off to rescue the maiden in distress himself.

On the plus side, you would probably still show up in various internet quizzes, e.g. "Which MacPearl character are you? You are pozorvlak..."

[totherme.livejournal.com]

Isn't steerpikelet looking to do some writing over summer? Perhaps she should be encouraged...

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

Noooo! Don't encourage her!

[hildabeast.livejournal.com]

nothing wrong with some slash!

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

There is nothing wrong with slash, provided it doesn't impinge on me in any way. There is something very wrong with slash that I have to either look at, star in, or (worst of all) both.

[elvum.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but if pozorvlak slash now appears, you have only yourself to blame... :-)

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

Like the time when, in a discussion of image rights on Hypothetical, I said "Personally, I don't care what you do with my image. You can photoshop it onto cuttlefish porn for all I care".

Within five minutes, someone had found a picture of cuttlefish mating and crudely pasted my head onto it...

[totherme.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, your hypothetical name isn't so wonderfully googleable as your LJ one... "pozorvlak cuttlefish" would have been sure to work :)

Oh well - at least I tried.

[pozorvlak.livejournal.com]

I'd post it here, but the Hypothetical files archive is no longer world-viewable. It's really not that good, though - one of those things where the concept is better than any possible execution.

[sable-veins.livejournal.com]

Stop now.