![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
[Joint work with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wormwood_pearl]
Due to an administrative cock-up, the £15 billion earmarked for Crossrail has been diverted into the Scottish transportation budget. The result is the construction of a London-Glasgow shinkansen-style bullet train.
English announcer: On behalf of ScotProRailCorp Limited, we'd like to wish you a warm welcome to the Carling FA Premier London to Glarsgow high-speed expressway, departing London King's Cross at 1307, calling at London St Pancras at 1308 to give you a chance to change your mind, stopping at somewhere called... I think it says "Manchester"? Somewhere Northern, anyway - and arriving in Glarsgow Central at 1437. If you decide that it's all too grim and Northern for you, the next train back South leaves twenty minutes later at 1457. They use the same time zone as us up in Glarsgow - yes, I was surprised too! - so there's no need to re-set your watches. A range of sandwiches and some perfectly delightful little cakes are available from our on-train branch of Carluccio's in coach E.
Scots announcer: Awright, bawbags? This is the 1307 London tae Glesga Get-It-Right-Up-Ye-Bawbags Express. We'll be crossin the Scoattish border at 1420, at which point there wull be a short burst o pipin and a wee dram will be served tae wis all. Onybody no jinin in wi the singin o "Scots wha hae" will be taen ootside an gied a kickin. Yous can git yer Buckie, yer Bru and yer fish suppers fae the chip shoap in Coach D. Any c**t starts any'hin wi any o ma staff, and we'll chib ye and throw ye oot the windae at three hundred mile an ooer, so gonnae no dae that? Enjoy yer ride. Yer maw sure did last nicht!
Gaelic announcer: <For those of you who have the Gaelic, welcome to the Fairy King Iron Messenger From the South, leaving one big city in the Godless South at 1307 and arriving into another at 1437. The connection for the remaining twelve hours of your journey home will be departing fifteen minutes later. When you arrive home you will learn that while you've been off gallivanting down in London the girl you loved has married your worst enemy, your sister Mhairi has given her maidenhead to the local laird and then drowned herself in the well, little Murdo has taken sick and died from drinking the well water, and your mother has killed herself over the shame of having her eldest son down in London and going into pubs. Meanwhile, your cattle have made veterinary history by developing myxomatosis; and consequently the family farm has gone into receivership. We hope you have a pleasant journey.>
wormwood_pearl]Due to an administrative cock-up, the £15 billion earmarked for Crossrail has been diverted into the Scottish transportation budget. The result is the construction of a London-Glasgow shinkansen-style bullet train.
English announcer: On behalf of ScotProRailCorp Limited, we'd like to wish you a warm welcome to the Carling FA Premier London to Glarsgow high-speed expressway, departing London King's Cross at 1307, calling at London St Pancras at 1308 to give you a chance to change your mind, stopping at somewhere called... I think it says "Manchester"? Somewhere Northern, anyway - and arriving in Glarsgow Central at 1437. If you decide that it's all too grim and Northern for you, the next train back South leaves twenty minutes later at 1457. They use the same time zone as us up in Glarsgow - yes, I was surprised too! - so there's no need to re-set your watches. A range of sandwiches and some perfectly delightful little cakes are available from our on-train branch of Carluccio's in coach E.
Scots announcer: Awright, bawbags? This is the 1307 London tae Glesga Get-It-Right-Up-Ye-Bawbags Express. We'll be crossin the Scoattish border at 1420, at which point there wull be a short burst o pipin and a wee dram will be served tae wis all. Onybody no jinin in wi the singin o "Scots wha hae" will be taen ootside an gied a kickin. Yous can git yer Buckie, yer Bru and yer fish suppers fae the chip shoap in Coach D. Any c**t starts any'hin wi any o ma staff, and we'll chib ye and throw ye oot the windae at three hundred mile an ooer, so gonnae no dae that? Enjoy yer ride. Yer maw sure did last nicht!
Gaelic announcer: <For those of you who have the Gaelic, welcome to the Fairy King Iron Messenger From the South, leaving one big city in the Godless South at 1307 and arriving into another at 1437. The connection for the remaining twelve hours of your journey home will be departing fifteen minutes later. When you arrive home you will learn that while you've been off gallivanting down in London the girl you loved has married your worst enemy, your sister Mhairi has given her maidenhead to the local laird and then drowned herself in the well, little Murdo has taken sick and died from drinking the well water, and your mother has killed herself over the shame of having her eldest son down in London and going into pubs. Meanwhile, your cattle have made veterinary history by developing myxomatosis; and consequently the family farm has gone into receivership. We hope you have a pleasant journey.>
no subject