Beware of the Train

Quaffing the last of my quickening cup,
I chuck fair Josie, my predatory protégée, behind her ear.
Into my knapsack I place fell Destruction,
my weapon in a thousand fights against the demon Logic
(not to mention his dread ally the Customer
who never knows exactly what she wants, but always wants it yesterday).
He sleeps lightly, but is ready
to leap into action, confounding the foe
with his strings of enchanted rubies and pearls.
To my thigh I strap Cecilweed, the aetherial horn
spun from rare African minerals in far Taiwan
and imbued with subtle magics by the wizards of Mountain View.
Shrugging on my Cuirass of Visibility,
I mount Wellington, my faithful iron steed
his spine wrought in the mighty forge of Diamondback
his innards cast by the cunning smiths of Shimano
and ride off, dodging monsters the height of a house
towards the place the ancients knew as Sràid na Banrighinn
The Street of the Queen.

Just wanna clarify that in lines 5 and 6 I'm not talking about the Growstuff customers, all of whom have been great.

For the last eighteen months or so, cycling has been causing me mysterious (and apparently untreatable) pain between the legs. This is very inconvenient, given that cycling is my main form of transport¹. It became especially inconvenient when I hurt my foot as well, and walking into town and back became something to be avoided. So, at my urologist's suggestion², I ordered a Moon Saddle:



... and it's been great. I can cycle again! Without pain! Every day!

Fitting it took about twenty minutes, but would probably take much less if you knew what you were doing. You'll need a spanner. Getting the angle right took a couple of goes (pitching it at 20 degrees from horizontal seems about right for me; take great care to get the yaw right, because it's difficult to judge by eye and getting it wrong is uncomfortable). And it took a couple of weeks to get used to riding on it - you feel quite insecure at first. Persevere. It's a bit expensive, at nearly sixty quid, but for me it's been worth it - I'll save the money in bus fares in a couple of months.

In summary: yay for Moon Saddles!

¹ It's definitely the best way to get around compact European cities, like, say, Edinburgh. Faster, cheaper and more reliable than the bus, and better for you. Not ideal in the wet, though - my next upgrade will be a pair of mudguards.
² Kinda. What he actually said was "I can't do anything for you, but I expect some cyclist has invented a special saddle that won't put pressure on the affected area. Have a look on the Internet and see if you find anything." The Moon Saddle recommendation actually came from, IIRC, nastyicydeath - thanks!